Compass for Creatives: who do you trust, image, compassion

How more success you have in the music business, how more ‘friends’ you gather. Everyone wants to share in your success. Everyone wants to stand in the limelight with you. And they all start to make great promises. Who can you trust?

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” (Oprah Winfrey)

First of all, the music business is very unpredictable. You can write great songs but will stay in the shadow of more famous people for the rest of your life. In that case it’s important that you have fun in what you are doing.

You can also write great songs, do most of the stuff yourself, and suddenly the world starts to love you and you become famous. In that case it’s important to know who you can trust. Everyone gives you unsolicited advice and promises the moon.

As soon as someone starts to make promises, it’s good to be suspicious. Ask them how they expect to fulfill the promise, how they will create the right circumstances to fulfill the promise.

Most famous music stars who manage to deal with their fame, have a good relationship with their family. It’s important to keep your feet on the ground, and to get unbiased reactions. They know that they can trust their family, who supported them even before they became famous.

You also need people in the music business that you can trust. Often it’s people who develop with you the route you are taking, who value your opinion in that process, who take you seriously not only as artist but also as a person. They don’t promise you the moon, they show you different roads and the specific hurdles for each road.

Last week I heard that as artist you need 3 people in the music business whom you can trust. They should not be family members. And even if you choose unwisely and one of them screws you, you still have the other two to rely on, and to help you find a replacement for the third one.

As a musician you have a certain image you want to get across. You want others to see certain aspects of yourself, you want them to like you. And if you are ambitious, you put a whole marketing team on the development of that image.

The more famous you get, the bigger the gap can grow between how others see you and how you see yourself. Others will see you in the way you present yourself to them. They see the star, the confident person you present to them on stage.

In the meantime you might still feel as insecure as you felt as child. You might wonder when others will discover the gap and call you a fraud. This might make you even more determined on presenting the image of the secure person that you are expected to be.

The more emphasis you put on presenting yourself as the confident star, the bigger the gap between the confident star and the insecure child will grow. Both are images or yourself, but you don’t know anymore which image is real, you don’t know who you ‘really’ are.

The ‘real’ you is somewhere between the confident star and the insecure child. They are both aspects of your true self, which is more than either of them. Some good ways to discover yourself again are meditation, sports, yoga and self-reflection.

I’m not a star, though I see the gap in myself as well. Sometimes I’m very confident in the tours I book and the workshops I develop, and than again I ask myself: who am I to think that others need my help? For me it helps to have a daily routine of a combination of gym and yoga exercises. It’s like a bridge over the gap of over-confidence and insecurity.

What’s your bridge to close the gap?

Compassion seems so easy, except if it’s about compassion towards yourself. Two years ago I was invited as a panelist to XpoNorth, an art conference/festival in Inverness in Scotland. My mind was full with all kind of duties and tasks. And I can go quite harsh on myself when I haven’t finished them all at once!

It’s not the duties and tasks themselves that can block creativity, it’s how you deal with them. If you feel the need for more structure and control, even creativity or joy can become a task. Than you know that you’ve gone too far and that it’s time to be more compassionate to yourself, to take it easy. Being an artist is not about control, it’s about passion, enthusiasm and joy. The need for structure and control often reflect your own fear. Compassion also makes it easier to face your inner fears.

There are some common fears that artists have to face at some point in their career, like:
– Disapproval from parents: they often see artistic behavior as a form of rebellion and are afraid that you will turn against them when you become an artist.
– Rejection by friends: they might not understand what it is to be an artist, they might see your enthusiasm as obsession.
– Visibility: as an artist you become visible, you can’t hide anymore in the safety of the crowd.
– Responsibility: everything is up to you, it’s your own creation, you can’t blame others anymore.
– Perfectionism: all imperfections in your art are visible too now.

Overpowered by one of these fears, we often reject opportunities that cross our path. You might have been invited to this great showcase event; troubled by doubt you didn’t work on getting the subsidies to make it happen. Or you turned down the request of an experienced singer-songwriter to join him as support on a tour, fearing that the audience would compare you to him. Every lost opportunity can be bent into a U-turn by getting back to your art, by compassionately starting again. Let me assure you that every famous artists is familiar with those U-turns. Don’t be too harsh on yourself; be compassionate to yourself and get back on track.

In Inverness I took a walk along the Ness, see picture. It reminded me how helpful nature can be in feeling compassion. You can try it too. Just take the time and walk for 30 minutes. I’m surprised every time again that during a walk, preferably in the woods, everything starts to fall into place again


Hello , It has been very busy last month. I was giving 5 guest lectures at Tampere University of Applied Sciences in Finland, via Skype. One of the lectures was an introduction into 5 empowerment tools for musicians. I loved to do it, and the students seemed to love it too! I'm training the extended version in the online workshop that started mid September. The next edition will start on November 17, you can still register, see here for more information. The first article is about trust and how difficult it is to know whom to trust when you are successful. I show some ways to deal with it. The gap between the way others see you and how you see yourself is the subject of the second article, and how to build a bridge over the gap. The series of Grip on Creativity continues with some thoughts about compassion and how you can use nature to become compassionate with yourself again. Enjoy :-) Take care, Hilde Spille	Index: Who do you trust? The gap between image and self-image Grip on Creativity (9 of 14): Compassion Calendar About Hilde Spille Connect Calendar Tue. Sep. 15 - Mon. Oct. 26: "Online workshop 5 empowerment tools for musicians - Learn in 6 weeks how to move from insecurity to an upward spiral towards success" Tue. Nov. 17 - Mon. Dec. 28: "Online workshop 5 empowerment tools for musicians - Learn in 6 weeks how to move from insecurity to an upward spiral towards success" See here for more information. The workshop is for max. 12 participants, there are still a few places available. About Hilde Spille Hilde Spille has worked at Paperclip Agency since 1995. As senior agent, she is booking Dutch and European tours for bands from all over the world. Names on her roster include(d) Chloe Charles, Jodymoon, Deleyaman, John Watts, Balkan Beat Box, I Muvrini. Paperclip Agency, facebook Hilde is now combining her rich experience in the live music business with her accumulated knowledge from her master's degree in Cultural Psychology and her interest in books about (personal) leadership. You can find the results in more than 100 posts on her blog Compass for Creatives, in the personal coaching of artists and in the workshops she developed (D.I.Y. Attitude, Grip on Creativity and more). Compass for Creatives, facebook Connect Hilde Spille Paperclip Agency P.O. Box 1519 6501 BM Nijmegen the Netherlands T +31.24.323 9322 e-mail, facebook, twitter, linkedin If you like this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to anyone who you think might like it too. Thank you. © Hilde Spille
Who do you trust? How more success you have in the music business, how more ‘friends’ you gather. Everyone wants to share in your success. Everyone wants to stand in the limelight with you. And they all start to make great promises. Who can you trust? “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” (Oprah Winfrey) First of all, the music business is very unpredictable. You can write great songs but will stay in the shadow of more famous people for the rest of your life. In that case it’s important that you have fun in what you are doing. You can also write great songs, do most of the stuff yourself, and suddenly the world starts to love you and you become famous. In that case it’s important to know who you can trust. Everyone gives you unsolicited advice and promises the moon. As soon as someone starts to make promises, it’s good to be suspicious. Ask them how they expect to fulfill the promise, how they will create the right circumstances to fulfill the promise. Most famous music stars who manage to deal with their fame, have a good relationship with their family. It’s important to keep your feet on the ground, and to get unbiased reactions. They know that they can trust their family, who supported them even before they became famous. You also need people in the music business that you can trust. Often it’s people who develop with you the route you are taking, who value your opinion in that process, who take you seriously not only as artist but also as a person. They don’t promise you the moon, they show you different roads and the specific hurdles for each road. Last week I heard that as artist you need 3 people in the music business whom you can trust. They should not be family members. And even if you choose unwisely and one of them screws you, you still have the other two to rely on, and to help you find a replacement for the third one. Who do you trust in the music business? The gap between image and self-image As a musician you have a certain image you want to get across. You want others to see certain aspects of yourself, you want them to like you. And if you are ambitious, you put a whole marketing team on the development of that image. The more famous you get, the bigger the gap can grow between how others see you and how you see yourself. Others will see you in the way you present yourself to them. They see the star, the confident person you present to them on stage. In the meantime you might still feel as insecure as you felt as child. You might wonder when others will discover the gap and call you a fraud. This might make you even more determined on presenting the image of the secure person that you are expected to be. The more emphasis you put on presenting yourself as the confident star, the bigger the gap between the confident star and the insecure child will grow. Both are images or yourself, but you don’t know anymore which image is real, you don’t know who you ‘really’ are. The ‘real’ you is somewhere between the confident star and the insecure child. They are both aspects of your true self, which is more than either of them. Some good ways to discover yourself again are meditation, sports, yoga and self-reflection. I’m not a star, though I see the gap in myself as well. Sometimes I’m very confident in the tours I book and the workshops I develop, and than again I ask myself: who am I to think that others need my help? For me it helps to have a daily routine of a combination of gym and yoga exercises. It’s like a bridge over the gap of over-confidence and insecurity. What’s your bridge to close the gap? Grip on Creativity (9 of 14): Compassion Compassion seems so easy, except if it’s about compassion towards yourself. Two years ago I was invited as a panelist to XpoNorth, an art conference/festival in Inverness in Scotland. My mind was full with all kind of duties and tasks. And I can go quite harsh on myself when I haven’t finished them all at once! It’s not the duties and tasks themselves that can block creativity, it’s how you deal with them. If you feel the need for more structure and control, even creativity or joy can become a task. Than you know that you’ve gone too far and that it’s time to be more compassionate to yourself, to take it easy. Being an artist is not about control, it’s about passion, enthusiasm and joy. The need for structure and control often reflect your own fear. Compassion also makes it easier to face your inner fears. There are some common fears that artists have to face at some point in their career, like: – Disapproval from parents: they often see artistic behavior as a form of rebellion and are afraid that you will turn against them when you become an artist. – Rejection by friends: they might not understand what it is to be an artist, they might see your enthusiasm as obsession. – Visibility: as an artist you become visible, you can’t hide anymore in the safety of the crowd. – Responsibility: everything is up to you, it’s your own creation, you can’t blame others anymore. – Perfectionism: all imperfections in your art are visible too now. Overpowered by one of these fears, we often reject opportunities that cross our path. You might have been invited to this great showcase event; troubled by doubt you didn’t work on getting the subsidies to make it happen. Or you turned down the request of an experienced singer-songwriter to join him as support on a tour, fearing that the audience would compare you to him. Every lost opportunity can be bent into a U-turn by getting back to your art, by compassionately starting again. Let me assure you that every famous artists is familiar with those U-turns. Don’t be too harsh on yourself; be compassionate to yourself and get back on track. In Inverness I took a walk along the Ness, see picture. It reminded me how helpful nature can be in feeling compassion. You can try it too. Just take the time and walk for 30 minutes. I’m surprised every time again that during a walk, preferably in the woods, everything starts to fall into place again

Who do you trust?